Myths about counselling

When I introduce myself to a new client - I often hear assumptions and expectations about what they think therapy will be like. Sometimes these assumptions are amusing, such as one time when my client wondered whether counsellors have ever experienced mental health issues - the truth is I'm pretty sure almost all of us have! I for certain have, and it's helped me to develop into the caring and kind counsellor that I am today. Another assumption another client had, although sadder and tragic, is whether clients are going to be 'taken away' if they talk about suicide or thoughts that they believe shouldn't be shared outside of the therapy room.

Rest assured - these thoughts are completely healthy and more people than you believe may have similar assumptions or 'myths' about counselling and what goes on in that wonderful, magical place. That's why I thought I dispel some of these myths to put your mind at ease - because I believe everyone is deserving of help and inner growth.

My therapy room is located in the heart of Wigan town centre. It is a safe, kind comfortable place.

Myths about counselling

The following conversations are anonymised examples inspired by common themes that arise in counselling. They are shared to illustrate how therapy can feel and do not represent any individual client.

1. My therapist is going to judge me: Absolutely false! An excellent, qualified and ethically trained counsellor will NEVER judge you. We train for years to understand our own internal biases and judgements before we are even allowed to practice with our wonderful clients. Yes - I am a human too, and there are times I have judgements about anything and everything - this is perfectly natural. With extensive counselling training, I have trained to silence such thoughts. However, I won't sit opposite or by your side and judge you based on your thoughts and actions - absolutely not. Who am I to judge you? I'm not your superior - I am just your fellow counsellor with the privilege of hearing you talk about things and feelings you may never have spoken about before. This is a snippet of my interaction with one of my clients when they first met and spoke with me in therapy. They were scared that I will think they are 'stupid' or 'silly' Client - "What I'm about to say is ridiculous, and I know you're going to say I'm stupid, but... I should have moved on with my grief by now, shouldn't I? I know I'm being stupid." Nathan - "I don't think it sounds ridiculous at all, and I don't think it's stupid. What I'm hearing is that you believe you should have moved on by now with your grief - but can you really move on so soon after their death? I don't think what you're saying is ridiculous. Do you want to explore these thoughts?" Another interaction with a different client - Client - "I shouldn't be even thinking this. If someone knew what I thought I would have the key thrown away. I love my kids - of course I do, but I hated motherhood when my first child was born. You think I'm a monster don't you?" Nathan - "I absolutely do not think you're a monster. It sounds like you've kept these feelings to yourself for some time - is this correct?" Client - "I dare tell any of my friends on the school run. They will get social services involved." Nathan - "I understand that must feel quite lonely keeping these thoughts to yourself. I appreciate you sharing them with me. Who I see sitting opposite me is not a monster but a mother who needs her voice to be heard. I am here to listen to you."
   

   
   

   

   An excellent counsellor will not judge you. I never judge my clients. I want you to feel safe, comfortable and heard.

2. Men should not be showing emotion. That's a weakness: I wholeheartedly disagree - I think you're strong when you show your emotions. Despite being taught from a young age that 'men don't cry' you're still being honest with me despite everything you've lived through telling you to shush. Matter of fact is - men SHOULD be showing emotions and it's a STRENGTH to do so. I have had several male clients who have been older and from the generation where men aren't encouraged to talk. At one time with my client, I asked him what happens when you keep blowing air into a balloon without stopping? It pops, he replied. Of course it pops - it's burst under the sheer pressure - as is expected. I believe the same happens to both men and women when we feel like we can't release the pressure which is a great perk of therapy. I know far too many people who have lost loved ones to suicide. I know far too many people with broken hearts, families and homes as the result of a loved one killing themselves. So many of these people are men. Did you know? Around three in every four people who die by suicide in England and Wales are men, and men are around three times more likely to die by suicide than women. The highest suicide rates are seen among men aged 45–49, highlighting the importance of creating safe spaces where men feel able to speak openly and seek support. Source: Office for National Statistics (2025). Suicides in the UK: 2024 registrations. We can't allow this to continue. We can't teach our sons that emotions are a weakness when it isn't. However, this all said - I understand and appreciate that a male client might find this hard to swallow and understand. When you feel like you've been trapped in a cage it's hard to want to come out when the outside world might feel uncomfortable or scary. Which is why I sit comfortably with my client, provide space and time, without judgement, to explore your issues at your own pace. I offer encouragement and emotional support, but I understand that this takes time. As your counsellor, I won't rush you into talking or exploring. If we need to sit in silence for half an hour - great let's do that. I will do whatever I can to help you feel comfortable to talk about your issues.
   

   

   Men's suicide rates are one of the leading causes for death in men. I believe counselling can help with issues. You are deserving of help.

3. My counsellor will sit with a notebook and take notes on everything: I have never taken notes in any of my counselling sessions. This is not my style of counselling. Imagine hearing me scribble on paper, taking my attention from you and onto my writing, whilst you're sitting near me wondering 'what's he writing about me?' I have trained for too many years to know that this would interrupt my therapeutic relationship with the client. My attention is for you and not for paper and pen. I want to observe body language, changes in facial expressions, listen to your tone of voice... I want to listen and see you so I can reflect this. Now - you may have seen many counsellors on TV sit with their legs folded, with smart glasses on and a notepad on their knee scribbling down thoughts with a beautiful fountain pen. If you're a counsellor and you do this - great and you look really smart - but for a majority of counsellors we don't do this. I may at times use pen and paper if you ask me to jot something down, or whether we're having a review session, or I need to add a reminder about an appointment time or date - but that's about it.
   

   

   I do not write notes in my counselling sessions. I want to be able to see and hear you focus my attention on you.

4. Counselling is only for people in a crisis: I would challenge this question and change it to 'Counselling is also beneficial for people in a crisis'. My clients come to me a variety of different issues. I don't sit and think to myself "This person doesn't sound like they're in a crises therefore I should stop therapy". Instead, I believe that everyone is deserving of bettering themselves, growing, being heard, and healing. Many issues clients come to see me about are; workplace stress, anxiety, grief and bereavement, low self-esteem, feeling stuck or trapped, low confidence and more.
   

   

   Everyone deserves help - It doesn't matter what the issue is - you are deserving of help.

5. There's someone worse out there than me. I shouldn't be taking their time: If this was true I would never see any clients because someone would always assume someone else is 'worse off'. I can't quite understand why we have this mentality that because someone might be 'worse off' then we are not deserving of the same help. I'm not sure if this is the remains of the 'British stiff upper lip'? The thing is - you do deserve help, you are deserving of being heard, you do deserve to grow and heal, you deserve this time for you. I don't compare one client's struggles against another's to decide who deserves support. Instead, you are more pure focus in that therapy room. It's all about you and you only - not about my previous clients or the clients waiting to see me next - It's about you. You're not taking anyone's time by seeing me - I have a booking system and if I am available for that time and day on a regular basis, then you are my priority in the room. I do appreciate where the idea of 'looking after people' who are 'worse off' might come from, but I believe we are similar to flowers. If you grow and blossom, the butterflies will come to you. Every flower deserves to grow in the garden - no one has priority.
   

   

   I believe counselling can bring healing and growth for everyone.

Conclusion

Perhaps you've recognised yourself in one of these myths. If you have, I hope this article has reassured you that counselling doesn't have to be frightening. You don't need to have all the answers before you reach out. Sometimes all you need is the courage to start.

I just want to say lastly - if you feel that you need counselling please don't hesitate to get in touch via the contact page.